


Silent Screamer

by delatrose



Series: Steel Type Deikuns [3]
Category: Universal Century Gundam
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Graduation, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 18:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20313727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delatrose/pseuds/delatrose
Summary: What is an ending if only the beginning of something else?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is a this is a three part story that probably requires reading at least the second part in this series. it is... maybe? the last installment in this series. i have more ideas for what happens afterwards but that's a... much bigger story and idk if i'll have the time or mind to write it (i do start school again tomorrow so. who knows). all three parts of this /are/ written however and i'll just be posting them whenever i finish editing them.
> 
> please enjoy!

“Garma got a love letter today,” Artesia says absently as she looks out the window of the classroom.

“That’s great,” Casval replies. “Now remind me what you’re doing here again?”

“I’m helping out the student council like I always do!” she replies indignantly. He doesn’t even look up at her as he sighs over his paperwork.

“Some help you are,” he says.

“Are you seriously not curious about it at all?” she says with a sigh of her own. “And here I thought I’d get to see my best friend and brother get married someday but you don’t even care that he’s getting confessed to right now.”

“Right now?” His pen stops for just a second and though he immediately starts again he knows it’s a fatal mistake.

“I knew it! You are interested! Come on!” She pulls on his empty arm and he reluctantly gets up, deathly terrified of what he might see out there. He knew Garma had been confessed to before but he had a feeling this time would be different since Garma hadn’t mentioned what had happened during his illness. Of course, he’d thanked him profusely for staying with him but what was more concerning was that he’d seemed to have forgotten the whole kissing revelation thing. That he’d said he wanted to kiss him. It still hit him right in the heart every time he remembered it.

But Garma wasn’t the type to ignore something like that, if he still wanted… that, he would have told him that already and tried to do it again, maybe. If he didn’t want to, he’d apologize for making the advance. Even if he did want it and thought Casval didn’t, which would make sense given his reaction, he would still acknowledge it in some way. That’s just who Garma was.

Instead, there was radio silence on the topic. It wasn’t anymore awkward, they didn’t talk more often or less often, everything was just exactly as it had been before. And it frustrated him to no end.

“Right here!” Artesia calls as she got to a corner window on the backside of the school. They stop and Casval looks down carefully, frowning as he sees another member of the student council standing in front of Garma, scratching his head awkwardly. Garma’s facing them and looks mostly confused with a dash of concern laced on top.

When it seemed the boy had finished, Garma opens his mouth before looking away and saying something. He appeared to be thinking about it rather than answering immediately and the confessor’s fingers twitched behind his back.

“No way he accepts it,” Artesia says. Casval isn’t sure he agrees but doesn’t vocally contradict her.

Finally, Garma speaks again and this time the boy looks excited as Garma speaks with a smile on his face.

“What?” Artesia exclaims as she stands up and starts marching away from him. Casval really hopes Garma isn’t in too much trouble and looks down at the two again warily.

This time Garma is looking back at him but when their eyes catch, Garma instantly turns away. Casval keeps looking as he says goodbye to the other boy and swears he sees a blush that definitely wasn’t there before. Sighing, he turns away and begins his walk home, it’s not like he’ll get any work done at this point.

He’s staring absently and poking at his dinner with a fork the meal when Artesia bursts back in the room.

“He gave him one date,” she announces, looking out of breath and red in the face.

“Okay.”

“Just one date and if he can’t see him in a romantic light after that, he’ll reject him completely,” she explains further, hoping to catch her brother on at least one part of it.

“Great,” Casval responds dully, stabbing his meat with the fork again. Artesia groans in frustration and flops into the dining room, hitting Casval on the head with her bag as she passes him. “Ow.”

“Artesia, don’t hit your brother,” their mother scolds as she brings in Artesia’s dinner. She’s looking better today than yesterday, but her bad days have really been outnumbering her good ones recently and Artesia rushes to help her carry the heavy plate when they both notice her hands are shaking. “Oh my, Artesia, you look like you’ve just run from the Zabi’s house.”

“I did,” she says as she sits down with her plate. Casval gets up and lifts the lid he’d put over his mother’s plate so it didn’t get cold as their mother sits down.

“Oh? And what were you over there for? Is Garma okay?” Casval begins eating in earnest now that everyone’s home but he still feels somewhat empty from Artesia’s announcement.

“Oh, Garma will be fine…” she says with that voice that tells Casval she’s about to say something she shouldn’t.

“Artesia…” he says lowly, sending her a glare across the table. She smirks back evilly.

“Is there something going on between you two? Something I need to know about?” their mother asks hesitantly, looking between the two of them as they stare each other down. Artesia pulls away with a triumphant smile, sighing as she gets ready to tell their mother about Garma.

“Yes, not between me and Casval, but between him and Garma,” she hints. His mother turns to him with a reproachful look.

“Casval, you shouldn’t bully Garma anymore. I thought we talked about this, he doesn’t understand—”

“Mother—”

“Oh, they’re not fighting, no. It’s much, much better than that,” Artesia interrupts and his mother’s look turns to intrigue.

“Better?” Casval puts his head in his hands as he prepares for the death sentence. His mother will never let him live this down. If Artesia harasses him about it once a week, then his mother will see him off to school with a “and tell Garma how you feel!” everyday for the rest of her life.

“Yes, our big brother Casval has a crush on the Zabi’s baby brother, Garma,” she says, shrugging as if it’s no big deal as his mother’s eyes light up.

“Garma and… Casval? My Casval? Oh, that’s wonderful! I’d love to see our families brought together like that. Ramba’s just a little too old for you, isn’t he? But Garma… I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of it! Casval, are you going to pursue him?” He sighs into his hands as his sister and mother look at him expectantly.

“It’s pointless, isn’t it? Not like we even talk that much, there’s no way he’d like me back.”

“Well, he said yes to that rando earlier today and you’re—”

“His childhood friend? No, that’s you. I’m Casval Rem Deikun, known asshole and mystery to everyone, the son of the political leader who can’t be touched unless you’re power hungry enough. Garma would… it can’t be done.” He shakes his head as he looks down at his essentially untouched food and his mother and sister give him worried looks.

“Casval…” Artesia says softly.

“Do you see why I didn’t want to talk about it now?” he replies, giving her a look.

“Casval, I know it feels that way, but I promise you it’s not true,” his mother assures, placing a hand on his arm. “Garma is a very genuine person and I’m sure those statuses don’t mean anything to him. If you told him how you feel, he would consider your feelings just as deeply as he did that… rando, as Artesia said.”

“Maybe.” It still feels pointless, he’s never really had an ordinary life and he’s not sure he’d know how to be in a relationship with someone. Even if Garma somehow returned his feelings, there’s still the trouble of him being himself. His mother smiles at him and puts a reassuring hand on his arm.

“Now, tell me more about this rando,” she continues, turning back to Artesia. “Garma is going out with someone?”

“Only once, and I’m not sure why…”

His mother and sister talk about Garma for the rest of dinner, plotting while he quietly eats his food with a frown.

That plotting was how he found himself being dragged behind his sister into some fancy restaurant uptown. Their mother had also wanted to come but she’d fallen ill again the day before the date and couldn’t get out of bed this morning. They’d left her with her personal nurse, kissing her forehead as they promised to make sure Garma wasn’t mistreated.

“This place is nice…” Artesia whispers as they walk in. She clings to his arm as she looks around in wonder. It has a very antique look, a bright and creamy feeling with lacy edges on all the tablecloths and round, wooden backs on all the chairs. The booths are brown leather with a diamond pattern in the back but it doesn’t look like anyone’s sitting in either them or the chairs.

“Seems expensive,” he murmurs back, “wonder why no one’s here.”

“Probably booked the place, but little does he know Garma hates when people flaunt their wealth,” she says with a frown. Casval gives her a warning look and opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by the waiter.

“Good afternoon,” Artesia jumps as the man greets them, “how may I serve you today?”

“We can seat ourselves, if you don’t mind,” Artesia says with a sweet smile. The waiter frowns at them but another waiter quickly intervenes, whispering something in his ear. The man’s eyes widen and he bows to allow them to pass through. “Thank you, and would you perhaps know where a sweet purple-haired boy might be seated in here? We are not with him but we’d like to know, for our seating arrangements.”

“He is on the right side middle column at the back,” the waiter responds as he gives them both menus.

“You are so helpful, thank you very much,” Artesia says as she takes the menus and pulls Casval along beside her. They head to the right side and quickly see Garma, chatting away with his date. Artesia pulls them down into a booth against the right wall before Garma can see them.

“Is this place on purpose?” Casval asks as he looks over at Garma. He can see him clear as day but Artesia is sat opposite Casval and can’t see Garma at all.

“Yes, if he only sees you he might think you’re just out to eat or on a date of your own but if he sees me, he’ll know I’m just following him. This way you can tell me what’s going on and he’ll just think you’re weird,” she explains.

“I thought you wanted me to confess to him at some point,” he says with an annoyed look.

“Well when you do you can tell him you looked at him so much because you were jealous. It’s true, isn’t it?” He frowns at her.

“I am not—”

“Hello, Mister and Miss Deikun,” a waiter interrupts again, “may I get you drinks?”

Artesia asks about options and Casval looks back at Garma’s table out of the corner of his eye. When he does, Garma’s looking at him, and again turns away as soon as he knows he’s been caught. This time, however, he’s certain Garma’s blushing lightly as his date seems to notice it and he covers his face in embarrassment. Casval only briefly looks away to order his drink and when he looks back Garma’s looking at him again. This time they make full eye contact and Casval wonders how much the guy must be boring him for him to go this long without talking.

“Has he seen you yet?” Artesia asks him. He only hums in response, watching Garma turn back to his date. He desperately wants to go home, Garma’s dressed up in his semi-formal best and he looks so handsome Casval can barely restrain himself from walking over there and stealing him away. He hopes it isn’t obvious from the way he looks but when Garma gasps the next time he looks back he knows he’s failed.

“Idiot!” Artesia hisses and he has to agree with her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was quick, huh? this is my fav part so pls enjoy ^^ (the next one might take longer to edit tho lol)

“What’s wrong? Is there something over there?” Piaf asks when Garma gasps at the intense look in Casval’s eyes.

“Ah, no, it’s—” Garma tries to stop him but Piaf is already looking back.

“Deikun!?” he exclaims as he turns back around, looking about five times more anxious than he usually does, which is kind of incredible. “What the hell’s he doing here?”

“Eating lunch, I would assume,” Garma says with a timid smile. Piaf blusters and complains about how Casval being there just ruins everything as Garma watches him with slight annoyance. 

Though they are both in student council, they aren’t very close since Piaf isn’t the most active member. Garma had always seen him as a little pathetic, honestly. So the confession had come as a surprise and, at the time, Garma had thought maybe he’d just been too nervous to talk to him before. But since he’d accepted the date, the boy just worried him even more. He was kind of a pessimist, always complaining about something or the other. Even when Garma tried to talk to him about politics, something they should both know well, he just seemed to reject every thought Garma had rather than let him explain any of his ideas. He even called him an idealist which wasn’t something he’d ever been called.

If this date was so awful, then why had he even accepted in the first place? Well, he’d been confessed to many times in his school career but had always rejected them outright. He just didn’t have time to think about dating someone until he’d graduated valedictorian at his preferred university. Maybe even after that. But recently something had been getting in the way of his goal. And that something was sitting a couple tables away from him, looking over at him with a raised eyebrow right now.

He hated himself for it but it had started after Casval had taken care of him when he was sick, or maybe even before them, when they’d walked together in the rain. But there was just something about being around Casval that made him want to let go, to drop all his pretenses and goals and just… be around him. Casval was quiet and harsh at times but he had this strength deep inside him that just pulled Garma towards him. Whereas Garma felt like an empty shell, Casval seemed to be a full body. Casval knew himself and wouldn’t compromise his ideals, dedicated and powerful. And Garma just followed everyone else, doing whatever they wanted him to at all times, pathetic and weak like Piaf across the table.

But some part of him knew he could never be exactly like Casval, didn’t really want to be. Instead, what had gotten him this way was how Casval cared for him. It was quiet sometimes, a subtle hand on his shoulder to steady his mind or a quick retort to one of his friends when they made fun of him. But other times he would do things like catch him while he was falling into a puddle or care for him when he had the flu. And all of that together just drove him insane. He hated to admit it, but he loved being taken care of. And he didn’t feel the need to take care of Casval in the same way he did his family or Artesia either. Like taking care of Casval wouldn’t take up some part of soul as it did with them. He felt awful thinking that but it was hard not to when he didn’t feel like he had any other choice. With Casval… everything felt like a choice.

And that’s why he’d accepted the date. Did it make any sense? Not really. But he never made much sense to himself anyway.

“Oh my god,” Piaf whispered, sliding his hands down his face and stretching out his skin in a rather disgusting way.

“What?” he asked. Piaf put a hand beside his mouth and leaned further into the table, beckoning Garma to do the same with his other hand. Garma followed with a furrowed brow, hoping he wasn’t about to try anything too forward.

“Your family,” he whispered as quietly as he possibly could. Garma’s eyes widened and he almost sat back straight. He’d only told Gihren and that hadn’t even been on purpose.

“How many?” Piaf held up two fingers. “Which two?” He motioned as if he was putting a piece fabric over his mouth and then put a finger in the middle of his chin. Though the second one felt rather crude he sighed in relief, Kycilia and Gihren wasn’t too bad, they would probably just listen through the partition. It was Dozle who would just absolutely ruin everything.

He assured Piaf there was nothing to worry about and tried to continued their previous conversation, asking a question he knew would send Piaf on some long rant so he could relax for a bit. As soon as he could, he looked back at Casval who raised his eyebrows at him and made a kissing motion with his lips. Garma felt a horrid blush rise over his face and mouthed “No!” angrily back. Casval smiled, somehow looking relieved and a hand reached out and slapped his chest. Casval’s smile instantly turned into a glare as he turned to the other person in the booth.

Ah, so he wasn’t here by himself. He might even be on a date like Garma himself. What a shame.

Wait— shame? Why was that a shame? It was good that Casval had possibly found someone who wasn’t just after his father’s power. But was it a girl? A boy? He’d said that about him not being interested in women back then but he had no idea if it was true or not. And why did his mind completely reject the idea that he’d been wrong. Wasn’t that just him pushing his own selfish desires onto Casval? Selfish desires? Why would he want him to be interested in men?

And then it all ended. Dozle’s angry laugh sounded out across the restaurant and his blood ran cold.

“Why won’t you let me in? Do you know who I am!?” Garma ran his hands through his hair, grasping at it as Dozle had a fight with the poor waiter at the front.

“Uh, Garma?” Piaf questioned.

“Why aren’t they letting him in, Piaf?” he asked exasperatedly, staring angrily at the table. “There are plenty of places for him to sit.”

“Well, I got the reservation because I know the owner of the restaurant and when I told him it was you I was bringing, he said he’d cancel all the other reservations so people wouldn’t stare at you and I—”

“While I appreciate your concern,” he really didn’t, “did you seriously think I would enjoy knowing that I caused other people to lose their reservations that they may have been holding for months?” Garma stood up, his hair in tatters as his eyebrow twitched and he tried to hold back the anger building up inside him. “And you two, did you seriously think it was necessary to spy on me?” he asked, addressing his siblings on the other side of the partition.

“Garma—” Dozle tries.

“No! Don’t you even start!” he yells at the door, his eyes passing over Casval, who seems both surprised and proud, as he moves to sit down again. Noticing him, he stands back up as his fury rises again and he points a shaking finger in Casval’s direction. “And what are you even doing here if the restaurant’s closed!?”

“I’m sorry, Garma, it’s my fault,” says Artesia’s voice as another blonde head pops up from the other side, her hands folded as she looks down in shame. He falters at her inability to look at him and searches desperately for what he wants to say. He can’t be mad at her, he really can’t be mad at any of them. But he’s just so frustrated with the whole situation that he can’t take it anymore.

“Date cancelled,” he announces as he begins to walk out of the restaurant.

“Wh— What? Cancelled? Do I get another try?” Piaf asks as he follows him out. The glare he sends back is something he learned from Casval and it has Piaf slinking backwards in fear. Continuing on, he marches out the front door and is suddenly bombarded by reporters asking him what was going on inside. He pushes through the large crowd and immediately goes into a sprint to get away from it all, completely overwhelmed.

He runs into for a couple minutes before ducking into and alleyway and hiding behind a fire escape. Thankfully, the reporters don’t follow him as he hear Artesia leading them past the alleyway, making up some bullshit story as they cling to her like mosquitoes. Quietly, he thanks her despite his earlier anger and slides down to sit on the stairs, letting out a deep breath.

“You okay?” He quickly turns his head at the voice but sighs in relief when he sees its only Casval. His friend comes up and kneels in front of him, the stairs too small to fit both of them.

“I’m fine,” he says bitterly, leaning his head against the railing.

“That’s good, I know you’re strong enough to handle all of this but Artesia wanted me to check.” He starts to stand again, like he’s going to leave and something tugs at Garma’s heart, calling him to sit back down.

“Am I? Am I really strong enough?” Casval stops midway and looks back at Garma whose head is facing the ground as he feels the weight of the world strapped onto his back. “No one believes in me, no one trusts me, that’s why they all followed me today, isn’t it? They don’t think I can make the right decisions and that I’m just a foolish little boy who has to be guided every step of the way. Everyone tells me I have to be strong because I’m a Zabi and all that but if none of them believe in me, how am I supposed to believe in myself? I’m always, always trying to prove myself and not get in their way but it never… none of it ever pays off.”

There’s a hand on his shoulder again and he opens his eyes which had closed sometime in the middle of his rant. Casval’s eyes are calm, not cold, but kind and looking into them he feels somehow more frazzled but in a different way he doesn’t know the name of.

“Garma, you misunderstand me,” he says softly, “I don’t mean that you are strong because of them, I mean you’re strong in spite of them. You’re strength comes from your resilience, your ability to muddle through all this. I know that someday you’ll come out the other side, brighter and more incredible than anyone else in your family and maybe even anyone in the whole world.”

“More than you?” he asks, meeting Casval’s gaze.

“How about we become equals instead. Then we can rule the world together.” Casval smiles at him and his breath catches, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest as he realizes exactly what this feeling is. He never wants this moment to end, his eyes not daring to move from Casval’s as a sense of ease overtakes him at the realization. So that’s all it was? How silly.

“I’d like that,” he replies with a soft smile. Casval’s eyes widen and, for the first time in his life, Casval looks away first. Confusion takes over Garma as Casval stands up again, removing his hand from his shoulder and turning away from him. “Casval—”

“Do you… remember what happened when you had the flu?” he asks.

“When I had the flu? You took care of me, didn’t you?” Garma pouts as he tried to figure out what Casval’s getting at. Now he looks like the frustrated one as he stands a few feet away with his fists clenched, facing away from Garma.

“No, it was— never mind.” He shakes his head and turns around again, walking out of the alley. Garma, still incredibly confused, just stands there and looked at his feet. Had he just been rejected? Had Casval rejected him before he could even tell him his feelings? Did Casval just see through him?

His nails dig into his palms as he bites back tears, but they still slip through despite his efforts. He wipes his eyes with his sleeve as he sobs softly, he’s never felt more alone than he does in this exact moment and he curses himself for thinking he could be soft for even one moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;-;


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last part oh boy

The Zabis were all fighting over dinner that night, bickering back and forth about who was the cause for Garma’s failed date as Garma sat and quietly poked at his food. They had all assumed his bad mood was because of the date since he still hadn’t told them about Casval and felt responsible for it in their own selfish ways. But he’d basically forgotten that incident since his possible rejection. He couldn’t be sure it was a rejection since he’d never actually been rejected but if anyone had the power to reject him it was definitely Casval.

“It’s my fault, I’m the one who yelled at the waiter and alerted him to our presence,” Dozle argues, slamming his fist against the table. “We shouldn’t have gone at all, I knew it.”

“I don’t see why any of us has to be at fault, it’s much simpler to just blame the Deikun siblings. They were there before us,” Gihren counters.

“I should have just sent a spy instead, then he wouldn’t have known we were there at all,” Kycilia says, her hands over her mouth as she looks around the table.

“It’s not any of that,” Garma interrupts quietly as Dozle starts to rant at Kycilia about how that’s not any better. They stop immediately and turn of their attention is on him. Garma takes a deep breath before saying what he needs to. “It’s not about the date.”

They always get like this when he’s in a bad mood and he hates it, hates the way they argue and hates the way they don’t address his actual problems despite pretending to care about him. But now, maybe now it’s time he stood up for himself. Casval’s words echo in his head, telling him he’s stronger than any of them and pushing him to finally say what he thinks. 

“Then what’s wrong, little brother?” Dozle says, his surprise evident on his face. Garma’s never done this, never so much as said a word against his siblings.

“I have a crush on Casval,” he says and a blush fills his face as he says it. He’s not used to feelings like these so he pushes his face into his hands as embarrassment overtakes him. His siblings are all staring at him like he’s just said the world’s exploding, their mouths slack and their eyes wide.

“...Casval Rem Deikun?” Kycilia clarifies and he nods choppily. “I see…”

“This could be useful, Kycilia,” Gihren says, that plotting look on his face again.

“It certainly could,” Kycilia replies with a smirk.

“If Garma marries into the Deikuns we wouldn’t have to—”

“Yes, we could use him as our in and—”

“STOP!” Dozle yells and they all turn to him as he grasps the table cloth, rage boiling in his face. “Can you two stop your scheming for one second and let our little brother have his sweet highschool romance?”

Garma smiles at his brother, feeling relief that he’s actually standing up for him for once. Dozle always gets the closest but Kycilia and Gihren manage to get him involved in some other conversation every time. But now that he’s stood up for himself, maybe Dozle will have an easier time doing the same.

“I don’t know if there’ll be one anyway…” he says solemnly.

“Why not? Have you already told him how you feel?” Dozle asks, concern dotting his face.

“Well… not exactly, but we had a conversation after the date and I think he saw what I felt and after that he got as far away from me as he could,” Garma explains. 

“Tell us exactly what happened,” Kycilia insists. Frowning, Garma goes over the event again, however omitting the part about his illness, as his siblings stare at him intently. It was odd for him to be getting this sort of attention from them and it boosted his mood a good deal. It somehow felt like he was a child again, his siblings always listened to him back then, but as the years passed and they got more and more involved in their work it sometimes felt as if they forgot he existed sometimes.

“That doesn’t sound like a rejection to me,” Gihren ponders. Garma smiles widely at the assessment, some bit of hope restored.

“Definitely not, little Garma, you’ve got plenty more chances to woo him!” Dozle agrees with a triumphant nod.

“Really?” Garma’s almost bouncing in his seat with his excitement.

“Of course! Now, the only problem is how to go about wooing him,” Dozle says. “I suggest going all out, plan a big stage and announce your love to the heavens! That way no one will doubt your—”

“Dozle, that is perhaps the worst advice I’ve ever heard in my life,” Gihren objects.

“And what would you suggest?” Dozle aks with a glare pointed at his older brother.

“Simple. Spy on him until you know for sure whether he likes you or not and confess if he does, but if he doesn’t then you have to trick him into thinking he does— what?” He stops when he sees his entire family staring at him in bewilderment.

“That is not only a terrible idea but also deeply disturbing, Gihren,” Kycilia says. “Even I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Then what do you think he should do?” Gihren asks, sending Dozle’s glare down the line to Kycilia.

“You all know I don’t care for romance. Men like chocolate, right? Send him some chocolate,” Kycilia suggests with a shrug. 

“Chocolate? I’d like some, if you don’t mind.” They all turn to see their father standing in the doorway and Garma feels relief start to flow over him. He’d started to worry that maybe he shouldn’t have even bothered his siblings with the ridiculous problem since they all had such different solutions. “What is my lovely family talking about this evening, Garma?”

Garma gets up and runs over to help his father sit down, taking the lid off his plate.

“Ah, well, it’s—”

“Garma has a crush on the Deikun son,” Kycilia says to stop his pathetic stuttering.

“Oh?” his father exclaims. “Is this true, Garma?”

“Yes…” he whispers, fidgeting with his hands behind his back. 

“We’ve been giving him advice on how to woo him,” Dozle announces.

“And I’m sure all of it is terrible,” his father says which immediately shuts all of his siblings up. “Am I right, Garma?”

“Well… it’s not bad advice, but I don’t know if any of their ideas really fit me,” he answers politely.

“You’re so kind, Garma. I’m certain Casval will see that and if he still doesn’t love you back, that’s his own loss,” his father advises. Garma blushes at the word love, still unsure if his feeling run that deep. “Just do what you think is best and tell him how you feel when it seems most natural to do so. Love should not be forced.”

“Thank you, father,” he says and presses a kiss to his father’s forehead before going back to his seat.

The rest of the meal was peaceful, his food was pretty much cold as he ate it but he didn’t care too much. His siblings found something else to bicker about and in his head he planned out how he could get closer to Casval so it would be easier to figure out if his feelings were returned. He knows meals like this won’t happen often in the future with the way things are going but he’s glad he can enjoy his family’s company once more before things start to get rough.

Getting closer to Casval is not nearly as hard as he’d thought it would be. Casval easily falls into his friend group after Garma starts asking for his opinion on whatever topic they’re discussing and telling him to join on their various excursions. His friends don’t really question it, and some even start asking Casval to join them on their own. He feels like Casval appreciates it as well because he sees his friend smile more than he ever has before and it lifts Garma’s heart every time he sees that charming smile. Then, once their relationship has become more stable, it’s much easier to get alone time with him and soon they even start walking home together nearly everyday.

The thing is that the closer he gets to Casval, the harder he falls for him. Despite his slightly smart exterior, he’s surprisingly stupid which is a relief on Garma’s shoulders. The mistakes he makes are small and he always tries to underplay them but Garma can’t help but find it cute. His and Casval’s conversations go almost non-stop on their walks home, and it’s a great improvement from before when he’d say a short sentence and leave Garma to do the rest of the talking. He finds he loves it when Casval teases him, it never feels like he’s actually making fun of him and he somehow manages to avoid every one of his sensitive points. Their relationship is definitely different from the ones he has with his other friends but it still just a friendship and everyday Garma wishes more that it wasn’t.

But he can never convince himself to confess. Every time he gets the opportunity, that little voice in the back of his head tells him he’s already been rejected. He knows it isn’t true, even his father told him that it didn’t seem to be the case but he still worries. If only Casval showed more interest in him, if only he knew how the other felt, if only he could talk to Artesia about it. 

Artesia… their relationship had been strained since the date. It wasn’t like he was avoiding her, more like she was just too busy with her mother. Of course, Casval was also busy with that, but since Artesia went to a different school she couldn’t just come over like she used to. Now she just went straight home after school. They hadn’t talked about the date yet and though it didn’t really matter to him, he knew she felt guilty about it.

Then, soon after university entrance exams, there was some big kerfuffle about a breach in contract by the Federation and suddenly Casval was rarely in class anymore. On his third day of absence, Garma took a chance and wrote him a letter, on pen and paper as he preferred, and was ecstatic when Casval replied. Casval teased him for his archaic manner of communication but kept up the correspondence and from then on, whenever Casval was out of town, they would send each other letters.

The topics of the letters were often confined to the mundane dealing of their everyday lives, usually. Since it wasn’t as fast as most of the other methods of communication, they couldn’t really interact like they had before. But letters still felt romantic to him in some way, as if he and Casval were distant lovers who couldn’t stand to be apart from each other and wrote page after page of love notes to each other. But of course he couldn’t confess through their letters, so each time he waited patiently for Casval to return, building his confidence and then losing it all the moment he saw Casval again.

Graduation approached quickly after they started sending the letters and it sent him into a panic thinking that he might miss his chance but he still couldn’t do it. If anything, his own impending timeline made him panic more. So a week before graduation, he started devising a plan to confess. He’d never really thought too much about it, just went with the flow and tried to do things naturally like his father said but there was so little time left and he couldn’t afford to lose anymore being so unprepared.

And on the day of graduation it was now or never. He’d spent the day before meditating and doing yoga and reading books on how to confess and he was ready. Sure, he was still filled with anxiety but he was a rock, a stone upon which the waves of his anxiety pounded against. And, like that rock, he would not falter. He would not break. He would do this.

Casval’s the first in their class and he’s second, so he sits behind his crush and watches him fondly as he gives their class their final address. He had to hope Casval didn’t try to leave immediately after the ceremony so he had time to do what he wanted. But there was little chance that would backfire, Casval had told him his father had allowed him to stay for the rest of that day though he would have to leave again tomorrow. Garma’s plan was to take the second button from his jacket and give it to Casval. It was an old tradition but they had talked about it when Casval teased him about writing letters and they had both agreed it was a sweet way to show your devotion. It would feel personal and thoughtful. It was good. It would work. He was sure of it.

And so, after the ceremony had concluded and he had escaped his friends, he searched the grounds for Casval. He gasped when he found him and steeled himself before walking over calmly. He was standing by the back exit where Garma had once agreed to go on a date with Piaf and Garma remembered the day somewhat fondly. It seemed so far away now even if it had only been a few months ago. He felt like he should’ve known he had a crush on Casval at that point but the past was the past and right now he felt like he had a bright future.

“Casval,” he calls as he walks up to his friend. Casval looks up at him and though he didn’t seem too surprised, he did seem sad somehow. Maybe it was nostalgia, graduation did always seem to bring up those melancholic feelings. “Are you okay?”

“Better now that you’re here,” Casval says with a soft smile. Garma can’t help the blush that spread across his cheeks. It was very new, but about a week ago Casval had started flirting with him like this. “I heard you got into the college you wanted?”

“Yes,” he says with a smug smile, patting his hand against his chest. Casval smiles back and shakes his head in amusement. “I’m majoring in… well, you already know that, don’t you.”

“General biology that you might make more specific later,” Casval dictates his letter word for word and Garma smiles at him.

“You never did say where you were going, though,” he says. It’s been a point of intrigue for him for the past month or so after he’d gotten his own letter of acceptance, Casval had never told him where he would be going. But as soon as he asked the question, that sad look in his eyes deepened.

“I’m going to join the military,” he says simply.

“Oh.” It makes sense, it really does. Even if their military is currently controlled by the Federation, his father tells him that Zeon is gearing up to make another declaration of war so soon their military will likely be a renegade army and need as many members as it can get. He knew that Zeon was probably against it but Casval would do as Casval would do.

“Garma, close your eyes and turn up your hand,” Casval commands, taking Garma out of the thoughts he’d drifted into. Curious, Garma furrows his brow but does as he’s told and soon feels the warmth of Casval’s hand against his cheek. He gasps, unable to open his eyes, and Casval kisses him, soft and sweet. Garma tries to savor it, to take in everything he can between the feeling of Casval’s palm against his face and the press of his lips against Garma’s but it’s over almost as soon as it’s begun.

Something is dropped in his open hand and then suddenly Casval’s gone again. Feeling almost euphoric, it takes him a few seconds to open his eyes again and when he does, Casval is nowhere to be seen. He looks down at his hands and sees a button. Probably the second button from the collar. He clutches it in his hand and, with eyes full of both awe and anguish, wonders if this is really the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah.
> 
> well.
> 
> if you'd like to contact me my twitter is @delatrose and my tumblr is @mechaking
> 
> thank you all for reading i hope you enjoyed it! pls leave comments and/or kudos! i did tag it open/ambiguous ending!!!

**Author's Note:**

> casval is, in fact, completely enraptured with garma despite his attempts to be all tsundere about it. please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed it! muah~♥


End file.
